Sometimes the greatest peace comes when you don’t have all of the answers.

A beautiful friend sent me a text that simply read, “Uncertainty is a beautiful thing, because it is a gateway to faith that goes beyond our intellectual understanding.”

If we really think about it, nothing is certain as things can change literally as fast as you can blink your pretty little eyes. You can be in a job you totally love and come in one morning to find they are shutting down, your health has the ability to halt your lifestyle as you knew it, deaths, divorces, babies, accidents….so many things can throw us off the path that we were perfectly content walking upon.

In my personal walk I have found God was the only certain. He remained when everything else crashed around me. He remained even when I felt abandoned. His truths are certain and they just happen to be my life map. The only way I can get from point a to b, the only way I can go forward instead of in circles.

Not knowing what may or may not be in our future can keep us grounded and that’s exactly what I need sometimes. I am learning to ask God what He wants to share with me today. I’m making it a point to focus only on today and tomorrow I will focus on tomorrow. He will give me exactly what I need for each day. Some days I need extra wisdom, some days it may be strength, but I’m so certain he knows how to arrange my daily platter. The great news is He doesn’t just give me only teaspoon doses, He gives abundantly. My platter is so full that once in awhile those gifts blend into each other…strength sometimes blends with peace. When mixed together it’s the most beautiful masterpiece. Only God can use a broken individual to show His love and just how miraculous His ways are.

In December I went to a pretty important doctors appointment which had the potential to ruin my forward walk. I could have easily thrown my hands up and proclaimed how over this I am, but instead I adapt my daily tasks and learn the true meaning of strength. I believe we all have those moments where we could let the hard times overtake us, but then what would your legacy be? There is always a way out, probably most of the time..not an easy way, but I believe that no matter what predicament you find yourself in, there is always a solution to untangle yourself and leave the mess in the past. Even if you have to ask for help….

Maybe the old version of me would look at having to ask for help as weakness, but today I see it as one of my super powers. I have learned the strength it takes to come out of my shell and share with others what I struggle with. Although there are things that are suddenly harder for me, there are equally just as many things that I can still do myself. Instead of focusing on the frustrations, I challenge myself to find the small gifts that I once overlooked. When I have to walk slower throughout my day, there is this gift…that I see more…things I may have missed at my old, faster pace. When I have to ask for help, instead of embarrassment, I choose to focus on the gift of conversation. We live in a generation where face to face communication is fading, but I’m a believer that everyone loves and needs those moments where we just stop running from one thing to another and just pause. Truly listen….when we do, we open our heart to what is happening around us. Many times our truest friendships are created when we are in our darkest moments. I am certainly blessed by the best of the best in that category! I have the most sincere, most loving people around me. One of my sweetest treasures for sure!!!!

They help me to see the beauty everywhere. I could easily be filled with depression and anxiety. Fear is always knocking on my door, but I refuse to pay any attention to it. Instead of the tears that could fall easily, I replace them with laughter… most of the time! There are moments that I have a personal pity party, but there are more moments that I find reason to laugh…most of the time at the expense of myself. When fear and sadness are relentless in their pursuit….when it gets loud and their growls and snares try to entrap me, I take action!

1 Thessalonians 5:16

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Many times it’s hard to find a reason to rejoice in the suffering seasons of your life.

How can a person find joy when darkness floods in?

The weight alone is enough to paralyze your senses.

The once strong individual is withered down to a simple existence. The beautiful eyes that saw the world as God sees now are only a sliver of what was. Not much light can get in when the ability to see is dulled. The heart that would pound so fiercely when spoken to, now beats slower and slower. The ability to hear God’s beautiful words and instructions are muffled.

How does this happen????
Because even the strongest people fall.

When I find myself in that state of mind that I can actually feel and see the darkness, I run to help! I speak to God, I pour out my thoughts to the people around me that I know have my best interest in their heart. I read, I listen….the senses that were dull start to slowly feel again.

I work with children who have severe disabilities. Some are unable to see, some are unable to hear, many are not able to speak in a language that is easy to understand, bound to chairs, tube fed….many things we take for granted. What I have learned is that even when one sense or organ is unable to function, the ones that are able to work, work overtime! To witness this first hand brings things into such a reality perspective. These children don’t pay any attention to what they can’t do. Their focus is on the smallest details. It is beautiful to see and their strength brings me such hope!! They don’t halt their forward motion, instead they work harder and their achievements are celebrated! Exactly the way God celebrates YOU!

What joy!!!! I will not allow what is placed before me to bind me up. In my heart, it’s not a coincidence that God placed me in this line of work. He knew many years ago, what I would face head on. He also knows me more than ANYONE. He knew that I would fail at times, He knew I would fall flat on my face. He knew I would pick up things not meant for me. He also knew I would see these beautiful children and draw from their incredible strength. I would share my story and He would have His way.

My hardest days are my most beautiful testimonies!

From my personal failures that I brought on myself to the pieces of my health that I have no control of, He has walked with me everyday. The days I focused on only the negative, He still was there, I just had my senses elsewhere. He used every single struggle and made it a victory! If I listed all that I have gone through medically the past three years, it would not make sense. It may bring pity to your heart for me and this is not what I want or desire. I do feel led to share one particular piece of my journey…..

I was struggling real bad. The sickness was overwhelming. My strength was fading and everything seemed hopeless and out of my control.

There was a time that I actually felt death. I knew with everything inside of me that my life was not going to be as long as I had thought. My husband (who is amazing) must have recognized this as well because he would stand beside my bed every single day and read scriptures to me. At first, sadly I couldn’t even feel anything as those scriptures were being read. It was like I was only an existence…my spirituality, my faith, my hope was dulled BIGTIME.

This was one of the scariest things I have gone through. I could see the pity eyes when people would see me. They would look at me with such sadness, like I was already gone. I remember this as clear as it was yesterday. I was losing my grasp…

Like I mentioned earlier, I have the most beautiful friends and one of them invited me to a women’s conference. She explained we had missed day one, but she felt going to the final day would be beneficial. Now picture this… I truly felt like death. Like trying to get myself ready was the equivalent of climbing a mountain. I wanted so badly to say no because the effort was so much to just get in her van. God had a different plan and He wouldn’t let me stop thinking of this. I know His voice and when He is relentless, I try to be obedient.

Well I somehow got myself ready. I’m sure I looked like something from the walking dead. I can’t even watch that show because it freaks me out so bad, but I honestly felt that I was dragging around a carcass of what I once was.

To make a long story shorter, the conference was great, however the ending was stellar!

This beautiful red headed speaker started to sing to people. Strangers she had never met and here she was singing prophetic songs to them. I cried just from the sheer beauty of being in this moment. I had no warning that my time was coming soon….

When she got to me, she didn’t sing a beautiful song to me.

Instead….She looked right into my eyes, held both of my hands and started to tear up.

Her words leapt in my spirit. Remember now, this Spirit was dull. Very dulled.

These words were spoken at the exact moment I needed to hear them and even on this very day when I battle with what I feel or what the tests show, these words are my map. They remind me how to shut the voice of fear off.

Let me share these words that literally changed my course.

“You may not have a head full of gray hair and a face full of wrinkles today, but I see you with gray hair and wrinkles rocking your grandchild in your arms.

The assignment of death has been cancelled from your life. You are going to live a long life.”

I could say nothing. The normal me would have joked about the gray hair or wrinkles to get the spotlight off from myself, but I was literally left speechless. I laugh when I try to remember how I must have looked. I have no idea what my outside appearance did, but inwardly my mouth was hanging wide open and my eyes were bugging out of my head.

I was floored. God knew that I was checking out and He had so much more for me to do yet. I may have been ready to give up fighting, but He has his way. He said, “Not yet!” He used a stranger to tell me!!!

MY GPS was rerouted!!!

How amazing. This is how you get yourself out of the pits….sometimes you don’t on your own. All it took was me to be obedient, He did the rest.

Looking back this moment was a ‘cross road’ moment. I could have thought that woman was nuts, what did she know about what I have gone through. However, my spirit came to life and I couldn’t deny that feeling. I knew her obedience mixed with mine had the ability to break this chain off from me! It was ultimately my choice though. I had the tools, but I had to actually pick them up and use them.

I had a very weak body and at first I needed a lot of help to even pick up those tools, but slowly my strength started to return and as the days passed, not only did my body start to regain, but some of my other senses started to come to life. I could hear again, first muffled, then like a radio playing softly….slowly that volume raised until the sounds were crystal clear.

My eyes, which could not see a good ending also went through transitions. From feeling blinded, to looking through a script that is not your own, the blurred lines transformed into the most perfect vision!

All of my senses, one by one started this upward climb and as I look back, I am still amazed at how desperately I was failing and yet He pulled me out. My pit was deep, I felt alone, helpless to ever see a brighter day, yet today here I am being reminded of how great he is!!!

So when I am faced with a trial, whether it be medically or financially. Job related or personal related, I know the faithfulness of my father.

I am blessed that I got to actually feel the promises of His word. Instead of just reading them, I actually have felt them. He walked with me and showed me by using these miracles to show just how true these words really are.

Thank you for supporting me! The messages I have received have sparked the innermost place of my heart. I love to be able to share little snippets of my walk. My hope is that it touches your heart!! My greatest desire is to use what was meant to destroy me (which didn’t succeed by the way) to bring hope to someone. No matter how hopeless things may seem, remember there is ALWAYS a way out.

Thank you Jesus for helping the broken-hearted. Refresh their senses and help them to see the way out of whatever trial they are in. Arrange their platter in Your most perfect way. Only you can transform broken into beauty and I thank you for all you’ve sacrificed. I ask that you bring hope to the ones who are seeking. Bless them Father. In Your Beautiful Name, I pray…Amen

Much love 💗

<<<<
n I look back I am reminded of how much He has brought me through. Abundant joy as I hold the hand of the one that I love 💕